Monday, November 3, 2014

Life, Life, Life

Life is what happens when you're planning your life, right?  Unexpectedly, we got to see Virginia this weekend.  It was wonderful to see her but unfortunately, she came home for a funeral of a friend's mother. 

I spent my weekend running around, visiting with people, and accomplishing nothing useful.  I did get some editing done while Virginia was off with her friend. 

Funerals are always difficult.  This time of year is a little rough for me as it is the anniversary of my father's death.  I was pregnant with Vicki at the time.  He was a good man, strong, loving, stubborn, accepting of who I was.  I have to say I've rarely felt as accepted as I did when dad was still here. 

Fall is about endings and most endings I handle just fine.  The ending of my father's life marked me and changed me.  Up until his death, I had experienced death of my grandparents, uncle, cousins, but none of those deaths affected me as much as his.  I miss those people but I miss my dad more. 

Letting go is one of the hardest things we have to do in life.  It is a matter of trusting that when we let go of what we are clinging to that things will be better or we will have a better understanding of whatever we are hanging on to. 

This fall I guess I'm letting go a little more of the grief (yes I still grieve 30 years later) and embracing the memories I have of my father.  I can list off a dozen words to describe him but it doesn't get to the core of how much he loved and cherished his family.  No matter what he accepted and helped us handle what needed to be handled. 

I'm sure he had flaws.  I know he was stubborn and proud.  For me, he listened.  He listened when I felt no one heard.  He hugged when I  needed it and he was firm when I needed that too.  I hope he's proud of who I am and what I've accomplished.  I know he'd love his granddaughters and be excited for their accomplishments. 

Grief is hard, has a hard edge to it and usually eases over time.  There are times when we lose people in our lives who are so dear and precious that the grief never stops but we have to learn to cope with it.  One way I cope is by honoring the person who has passed. 

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